Monday, October 17, 2005

I Just Want to Know...

Is it just me or does

anyone else have issues

with multiple stall


(ALERT: If you're finicky and believe that women do not make use of the facilities, or should not speak about usage of same in public, please click that nice little red X on the upper right corner of your screen--now.)

Okay, now for the rest of you for-real folk:

I am, and have been for some years, an irregular defecator. However, since moving from New York to PA, it has gotten even worse; so much so that I even remembered to mention it to my doctor at my last visit.

Her opinion, "It might just be the water here in the valley." (Lehigh Valley, that is, home to some of the nastiest tasting water you ever wanna sample.)

Anyway, back to the multiple stalls issue.

Maybe, I spoke up too soon, or started drinking too much water and just jinxed myself? Because in the last two months, I have been quite prolific in my bowel movements. Yay! Almost regular. Downside? It's always at work! I have tried holding it till off hours, you know...before 12 noon and after 2:30 pm, but 3 out of 5 times, just as I am mid-movement, so to speak, what do I hear? Footsteps!

Oh nooooo. Please not the stall next to me, please, please, please? Too late, here she/they come(s)! Should I hold my breath? Pull my feet up? But somehow, I know that even if I do one or the other, or even both, she/they'll still know I'm here. (No, not via green fumes escaping under the door, I am the only African American person in my building...but that's another story)

So I grit my teeth, hold my breath and do everything but click my red heels, as I try to stop the action of my bowels...not possible. So once again I am defeated by the timing of my bodily function.

After that last embarrassing episode, I thought about it and I figure there ought to be some rules to avoid such embarrassment and they'd go like this:

  • The first person in should use the very first stall so that their feet will be visible, thereby cluing in the next person to skip a stall (which is the next rule)

  • People please skip a stall, there's no need for all that bonding if there are three other free stalls.

  • All sound effects should be kept to a minimum (see next bullet)

  • Before usage, place a goodly amount of toilet tissue in the toilet bowl, thereby avoiding that plop…without the fizz sound effect.

    (DISCLAIMER: Now if y’all can’t tell the difference between goodly and too much and your bathroom clogs up…my name is Bess and I ain’t in this mess!)

  • Wipe that sprinkle after you tinkle

  • Have air freshener will travel

  • Hand washing is mandatory!

That's my little curiosity (read: sharing and caring) moment for today.


P.S. As I concluded this piece, another curiousity moment came to me...when Pastor says that we should always be ready to share a testimony...I wonder if that includes moments like this?

Posted by Dee at 7:39:00 PM  


  1. JJ posted at Monday, October 17, 2005 10:04:07 PM  
    Great post! I wish more people would follow those bathroom rules.
  2. OldGuy posted at Tuesday, October 18, 2005 10:11:39 AM  
    Well, it is good to have some rules, after all this is pretty personal stuff, it would be nice if people were civilized about it.
  3. Shane posted at Tuesday, October 18, 2005 10:17:48 AM  
    so true.
    and don't slam the toilet seats either!
    And nobody is interested in all that grafitti!
    whew, i feel better now
  4. Susan posted at Tuesday, October 18, 2005 11:56:41 AM  
    LOL that was funny. If only everyone would follow these rules, esp where I work....only two stalls. No skipping going on there :-)
    Thanks for stopping by and good luck to you!
  5. RockyJay posted at Tuesday, October 18, 2005 1:52:12 PM  
    Well... in some military training facilities there are two rows of toilet seats facing each other.

    Only thing; there are no doors - or for that matter - stalls neither. That's called "V8".

    After breakfast and lunch it gets a little unbearable...

    So, that about bitching for nothing... no pun intended. LOL, after all, your post was funny!
  6. Minderz posted at Thursday, October 20, 2005 9:00:00 PM  
    That's just ansty. :D You crack me up! You have me rolling... You are so open about everything. That is what I love about you. You know what the funny thing is? All women do this but we try to hide it. Why? We all do it. It's natural. It's hard not to though... I can't seem to do it. Women are strange... yes they are. I am gflad to be a woman!
  7. Count posted at Friday, October 21, 2005 9:34:58 AM  
    That's Nasty D!! Check out my new fiction blog in your spare time. You and your peeps!! Peace!!
  8. Anonymous posted at Sunday, October 23, 2005 5:45:04 PM  
    LOL! I agree... I'm a college student... and I have community bathrooms... and believe me.. I been tryin to do those rules..

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

« Home